What a waste of time this is

In his Coolheads Newsletter of 2004-07-21, Myron begins by rubbishing the state attorneys of seven states who are filing a "public nuisance" complaint against power stations for emitting carbon dioxide, and thereby contributing to global warming and it's consequences. He quotes several sarcastic articles from local newspapers.

Now, I doubt there's anyone who doesn't think that it's a ridiculous
state of affairs, probably as symbolic and futile as lying in front of a bulldozer when it's come to tear down your house. But what's one to do when the system has failed utterly, and is corrupted to the core?

Myron always gets a chuckle over the sad story of the Kyoto Protocol, reporting the latest controversies in Russia, and the fact that the losing Democratic Party failed to mention it in their conservative-pandering platform. Lest we forget, the US was deeply involved in the drafting this treaty and can take credit for many of its flaws. Then they withdrew from it in a gesture not unlike a guy stirring a tablespoon of turd into the punchbowl before leaving a party. Myron is the kind of guy who would do that, and then laugh at everyone when they got sick.

Like most arrogant capitalists, Myron takes any statement by a Union of Employer's Confederations seriously when they say how much they care about consumers having to pay higher prices and earn lower wages as a consequence of any attempt at a climate change policy (what Myron quaintly calls "Energy Suppression"). Those of us who are not fools know that the whole point of an Employer's Confederations is to promote higher consumer prices and lower wages for the masses. Whenever this leads to high employer profits -- which it normally does -- that's a good thing. But if the money ever dares to go towards promoting the public welfare, that must be fought tooth and nail.

We then get a summary of this year's paper by Glenn Schleede, a man who makes a living attempting eliminate all government spending on wind energy anywhere. He is critical of the industry's highly successful campaign to mislead the media and gain as much as hundreds of millions of dollars of unfair subsidy and grants from gullible governments for their research and development that has measureably improved the technology over the years.

You can count on none of these corrupt, lying, cheating, deceitful, business-blinded nincompoops, who profess to care oh-so-much about responsible federal government spending, to breath a word about the utterly unproductive synthetic coal subsidy that has stuffed billions into the pockets of the guys who secretly pay their wages through front groups, like the CEI. The fact that wind power could pose any kind of business threat to the oil industry is suggested by the fact that they lobby so hard to eliminate it. They don't do the same for the Ballistic Missile Shield, which is where the serious money is being stolen in the name of shite technology.

After assuring his audience that coal burning emits no more Mercury than the cultivation of sunflowers, Myron finishes his report with a confusing message about how the rise in global temperatures (which isn't happening) is causing a northward shift of vegetation and mammals. The species are migrating into the parks, but they're not migrating out and going north. So that's good news for all you park-going wildlife spotters. Myron has to go on vacation to other places than Glacier National Park to keep his mind clean from the facts on the ground. Then again, maybe not. He's sure to have the steely conviction to walk past hoards of homeless people on his way to work, where he proclaims in an interview that the economy is going along tickety-boo time. Nothing could possibly be improved.

Myron may freeze for promotion

Myron has been uncharacteristically tardy in producing his Cool Head Newsletter this month. It is, however, unlikely that this is because he fears the wider public reading it for laughs. More probable are the rumours that this campaigner against illegitimate government power and influence could be taking on a job in the new Bush Administration. This is a President who chooses his advisers like most businessmen choose prostitutes; they want someone to make them feel good and sexy. In which case, Myron is just the man to oil his special interests.

Meanwhile, in the real world, over which these men most regrettably have an influence, the concentration of Carbon Dioxide gas has leapt to the highest level in at least 420,000 years! On the basis of no evidence, Myron believes there's nothing to worry about. Consider the concentration of fat cars that burn lots of gas! Now that's worthy of serious concern.

So, he carries on with his dastardly task of proving, from the standpoint of an ignorant economist, that almost every the scientist and climate model in the world has got it completely wrong. Unfortunately, some of the scientists are coming to agree with him that the have it wrong too; they believe that their models are not extreme enough. They are too conservative. Scary, unexpected things are happening, like the slithering off of ice from the Antarctic Continent. This is likely to make a bigger mess than when your freezer blows a fuse and defrosts itself all over the kitchen.

But with Myron in the government, he's sure to sort something out. For a start, he's got a plan to stop all these biased NASA scientists from fabricating this irrelevant information. He'll get the budget reallocated towards building yet more nuclear missiles as well as the futile development of a non-functional Ballistic Missile Defence against exaggerated threats that DO NOT F***ING EXIST!!!.

Myron's Cool VolVIIIN14

An appriasal of his Head's Publication 2004-07-07

Myron appears to scan through the literature from the good guys and report the names of Senators who are being targeted to change their view on the existence of Climate Change. At the moment, a majority of Senators live in Myron's imaginary world. By reporting the names of potential waverers, his friends in Exxon can now go round to their offices and fill them with gasoline fumes, I mean money.

Meanwhile, in absence any positive activity in the Federal Government, California is attempting to pass Carbon Emission standards for cars. This is against the law, according to Myron, because Carbon Emission Reduction implies Fuel Efficiency Standards, which would be infringing the authority of the Federal Government to set these standards nationally. And for many years they have ruled that these standards are not to be improved.

Myron demonstrates that he is paid by oil rather than auto manufacturing interests because of the way he splits his marginal analysis to prove that the cost savings to drivers due to fuel efficiency do not compensate for the higher expense of buying a better designed vehicle. "Excellent," a rational human being would say. "We now know by how much to raise the tax on fuel and to tilt the economic logic back towards sanity." It's a fact that the bad guys have been manipulating the system for decades, so that for example the money naturally flows into Exxon's bank accounts. It takes a Myron to observe a set of man-made reservoirs and irrigation dikes on a hypothetical hill-side diverting most of the available water, and proclaim that since the water is flowing naturally, it's right and proper and there's nothing you can do about it if you live in the parched lands below.

Myron hates Renewable Energy since it means less oil is needed. The question is, if it's capacity is so puny that it can never be a threat to the dominance of oil, why does he waste time worrying about it?

In European news, Myron reports on the unfair measures that governments are taking to control the growing popularity of SUVs. It's a fantastic argument, since alcoholism is growing in popularity too... I'll have to check if Myron thinks that's good as well; it'll depend on exactly how much funding the CEI gets from the drinks industry.

Myron also quotes extensively from the TV botanist David Bellamy on the evils of Wind Farms. Being just about only Conservationist in the world who can't see the point of wind farms, he's guaranteed a lot of exposure from the likes of Myron.

In the "Science" section, Myron is busy showing off how an economist who doesn't know the difference between radians and degrees, and a mining executive have corrected a scientist's Climate Change model on the evidence that they caused him to write a brief corrigenda to a published paper. More skeptical observers, who are familiar with the scientific standards of economists in general, would not go far wrong if they concluded that these are minor corrections that make no difference to the results, but are in response to a deluge of letters from boneheads like Myron.

I truly enjoy the way that Independent Scientists like Myron are usually found citing other Independent Scientists, and there's a clear disconnection between them and all the Dependent on Science Scientists that remain in the world.

Myron's Cool Newsletter concludes with three beautiful tidbits. Firstly, Global Warming is increasing the size and strength of coral reefs, rather than killing them off. You see, it's the extra CO2 that's helping them lay down more carbonate mineral... if only the rising temperatures were not bleaching them first.

Secondly, for those of you who currently live in disease-free temperate climates, Myron reports that there's only a very weak relationship between temperature and malaria outbreaks. So, once the winters are no longer cool enough to kill off the mosquitoes, and the disease gets established, you will get all the benefits of the disease without it having to be as hot as the Solomon Islands.

And Myron's final word of fact is: "[A]s previous studies have concluded, the Antarctic and Greenland ice sheets are probably thickening rather than melting." Which is something all you Polar Bears out there should know.

The Myron Appreciation Society

It seems that many listeners were bowled over by Myron Ebell's BBC radio interview on the 4th of November, and spontaneously written in after the program. I hope there are some other blogs coagulating from the smoke which are worthy of linkage. This guy deserves a fan club as much as Douglas Adams. Here's a question: If you write fiction that people believe is true, does that make you a better writer than one whom everyone knows made it all up? Perhaps it's something to do with honesty. Like Douglas, Myron's fiction rests on the premise that when everything goes tits up on Planet Earth, we can simply Hitch-hike away into the Universe. Either that, or surf the tide of economic progress to some place exactly like where we are right now, only much, much better.

The Myron Ebell global appreciation movement has even made waves in the Mother of Parliaments in the form of Early Day Motion 1881. For those who don't know what this means, it's a Motion that is scheduled be debated on the floor of the House on the Earliest Day available, after hell freezes over.

Perpetual War for Perpetual Oil

Myron Ebell's work causes death, pain, fatness, lies, ugliness, bad TV, and endless horror. Never forget that. If you ask him what's Heaven on Earth, he'd point to the stretch of the New Jersey Turnpike that runs past the Newark oil refinery. If you asked him what's clean air, he'd show you exhaust pipe from a diesel V12 truck engine and explain how there's no pollen in it -- a natural particle known to cause the lethal disease asthma which kills millions of children each year. According to science, the truck engine is actually cleaning the atmosphere and injecting the necessary nutrients for plants and vegetables to survive.

Myron says small cars kill

Listen to him on PBS Newshour 2001-08-01

"Higher fuel efficiency standards costs lives... in 1993 alone higher [Corporate Average Fuel Economy] cost 1300 to 2600 lives. Multiply that by 20 years (sic) and you've got a lot of people who've died because of fuel efficiency standards... because consumers have not had the choice to buy safer cars that they want."

What?

Is he saying it's safer to drive hefty SUVs that the public craves like a fix of cocaine that makes them feel good? Or does he think we're not burning enough diesel per mile for our own good?

Next I'll find Myron speaking against Antibiotic pills because thousands of people have choked to death on them.

International Adopt-A-Whore Week

I have chosen Myron Ebell as my subject because he's got a weird name and says weird stuff. In between the dull moments when he is nitpicking various "mistakes" made by climate scientists as an integral facet of the process known to some as the "Scientific Method", he makes some stunning revelations which need to be savored. Here you will see one of President Bush's "scientific" advisors in action, ensuring that he and his administration lives in a different reality to the rest of the world.

Pity that their oil wells and bombs can't go live in that different reality as well.

Myron Ebell is a professional climate denier. He is not a scientist. He thinks that his paycheck is the only hard scientific evidence that anyone needs to know what's right.

Myron Ebell has sufficient arrogance to slander all scientists outside of the United States of America because they are not independent of their government. Only people like him, funded by Exxonmobil, are truly independent thinkers.

Scientists who believe in Climate Change are, according to him, either fatally biased by their political desire to suppress energy use, or woefully ignorant and fooled by this vast hoax, this mass of fabricated data and false predictions which is an organized conspiracy dreamt up by the governments of France and Germany and their collaborating scientists to ration the world, especially America, of its vital energy resources that it needs to continue its booming triumph of superior economic performance and conquest.

What does Myron Ebell believe? Can anyone say, after combing through every word written and said by this great man, what would be on his mind if he wasn't paid to think it? As a hired "expert" at the "Competitive Enterprise Institute", he buys into the brain-dead doctrine of total market philosophy.

The basic proposition is that everything should be determined by the market, regardless of what it is in essence.

If the market system is good enough for determining what flavours of ice cream are going to be mixed and sold at the start of the week, then it's good enough to determine which scientific theories are the correct ones, by measuring how much people are willing to pay for them. It's the ultimate in relativism. Shall we say that the market should also be applied to love and sex, ideally for sale between consenting adults, rather than aspire that it should be a gift from the heart?

This is what makes Myron Ebell a whore. The pretense of science and the seeking of truth, when it's no more than a blow-job for five bucks. It's cheap and dirty. It asks nothing of the client that would change his mind and improve his character. What is the world really going on about? What is this strange thing called life? If you listen to Myron Ebell, you won't find out.