Friday, March 04, 2005

The Yes Man

Myron doesn't only say yes to greenhouse gasses, he also says yes to any form of pollution, if the polluter pays... his wages. Although he doesn't declare his income, we can be assured that the Coal industry funds him. The evidence for this is the good work he does to ensure that you and your family enjoy the benefits of Mercury ingestion, which will Myron richer while you get your brain damaged. Mentally retarded and dead people are not part of the economy, so they don't count when Myron makes his usual uncosted announcements about how pollution control would harm the economy.

How does he know?

The answer is simple. Myron is a corporate spokesman, who pretends he isn't with the intention of misleading his audience into mistaking him for a scientist or even a human being. And corporations are legally obliged to disregard all outside costs resulting from their activities.

So, if a corporate owned chemical plant saves a few thousand dollars in cost cutting, and has an accident which kills twenty thousand people and makes a further fifty thousand too sick to work, that's not a cost to the corporation or to what they loosely define as the "economy". The thousand dollars is a profit, paying compensation is a nuisance, and they do not care if you die. People like Myron won't see the bodies and can't see the numbers. His cost-benefit analysis is psychopathically limited to within the shifting legal walls that are Exxon or some other such mass-slaughtering organization.

That's why Myron publishes numbers for the rates of SUV sales, but never for the rates of death. They don't matter. He is a true Yes Man for corporations, for whatever they would like to do.

Last December, like a beam of raw sunlight in an underground nuclear bunker infested by snakes, Jude Finisterra broke through the facade of the "Business media" by lying that he was a corporate spokesman. You could tell he was not a real corporate spokesman (like Myron Ebell), because he spoke the truth. On camera, he apologized for all the criminality done by his corporation for the past twenty years, and said that the time had come to fully compensate everyone who had suffered.

The Yes Men have a movie out now. Go see it. Or, if you are too cheap, enjoy one of the online videos about a petition encouraging global warming that Republicans could not be dissuaded from signing when informed that it would turn China into a desert and kill millions of people beyond the borders of the United States of A.


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