Myron's proud letter of dismay

Myron mailed a new letter to the congress yesterday. Apparently he's dismayed, which generally means that something good has happened. As usual, his archive of whores have signed onto it in the naive belief that this will make the message more credible. It's pathetic. He must get sacked by Exxon soon. The lies and number-cooking are too transparent for anyone to take seriously and does great harm to his cause because people have to ask: "Is this the best that can be done?"

And it is. There is no solid ground for him to stand on. His position is utterly indefensible. For further details, start at the wikipedia entry. I've taken the liberty of clearing up his letter into something less intellectually insulting. Boldface denotes what's improved.

Dear Mr. Speaker/Mr. Majority Leader,

The undersigned astroturf organizations are relieved that a majority in Congress was able to thwart the will of minorities in both the House and the Senate to enact legislation to open the last remaining portion of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in Alaska to oil and gas exploration.

We believe that there are several important reasons to keep ANWR closed. First,... the U. S. Geological Survey’s mean estimate of economically recoverable oil and gas reserves under the coastal plain of ANWR is 10.4 billion barrels of crude oil. While such an amount may increase the highly depleted U. S. crude oil reserves by 50%, and is equivalent to approximately twenty-five times last year's annual import from Saudi Arabia (NB Not a quarter century of imports -- that would be a misleading way to state it), which is our third largest foreign supplier with only 11.5% of the market. On its own this quantity represents no more than 215 days of domestic oil consumption.

Second, environmental pressure groups are correct in arguing that opening ANWR would be nothing but a payoff to "Big Oil". If there wasn't so little oil left unexploited then oil companies wouldn't be interested. It is estimated that the companies will initially pay several billion dollars for exploration contracts, but it would be much more efficient to tax their profits... The revenues that will flow into the federal treasury from oil and gas production should be diverted to alternative energy technologies rather than the futile effort of yet more oil drilling.

Third, the benefits of producing domestically more of the energy we consume are well known, but the ANWR won't have any impact. There are more effective strategies, such as wind power and energy conservation. Moreover, Hurricanes Katrina and Rita demonstrated that climate change can have serious consequences. Production in ANWR will keep the Trans-Alaska Pipeline polluting the environment for another decade or so with the corresponding risk of another oil tanker disaster.

Fourth, again we are businessmen and professional liars and we don't give a toss about the environment if it's not making money, and are willing to believe that there is compelling evidence that oil and gas production in the coastal plain is compatible with protecting the environmental quality of the refuge and the wildlife that depend on it no matter what anyone else says. We'll throw in bogus figures about acreage and reindeer populations to make it look like we know what we are talking about when we really couldn't be trusted to clean the toilet.

Fifth, we believe that local citizens and elected representatives of the States involved should be free to trash all sites of international heritage if it can make them a quick buck. The smaller the constituency that needs to be bought out, the more cost-effective it can be.

For these reasons, we respectfully request that you never read a letter sent by onw of the undersigned again, and treat it as though it were written in green ink. Thank you for your attention that our views do not deserve.

Correctfully yours,

Myron Ebell, Director of Energy Policy (for now)

...plus a whole bunch of really dodgy friends, such as Grover G. Norquist (Rich People for No Taxes), Gregory M. Cohen (More Government subsidised Highways), David Keene (American Strawberry Union), Matt Kibbe (FreedomFailure) James L. Martin (Senile Seniors Association), Jim Backlin (Religious Fundamentalists Anonymous), William Greene (RightMarch.com), and many, many more drooling crazies.